If it “Looks Broke,” Maybe You Need to Fix You!

Written by on June 13, 2009 - 0 Comments
Categories: "YOU Soup!"

firstaid

I had an interesting day yesterday. My youngest son fell riding his bike on Friday. He hurt his hand, and I admit it looked really “bad”. My husband and I are both former paramedics, and therefore were able to recognize 2 things. 1) It was highly unlikely that it was broken as he had full range of motion, and 2) even if it were, the only treatment would be to apply a finger splint (if that).
He went to school however, and the phone started ringing. I received 2 messages from his teacher that he was in pain and needed to go home. I arrived at the school, and when I asked him why he was now in pain after playing happily all weekend, he said that he wasn’t. He had simply told his teacher that he couldn’t write (due to swelling), and that he wanted to stay. Hmmm…well I did some quick thinking and decided if that were the case, then having him sit in a classroom learning had to be better than sitting on the couch at home! So, I left him there. That didn’t go over so well! When the school nurse then called, I explained to her (calmly:) that I understood that it was bruised and swollen, and “looked broken”, but that we were former paramedics and had therefore done a complete assessment, blah, blah, blah. I went on to say “as a nurse, I’m sure that you know that even if his finger were broken, they would simply splint it”(and he would probably lose it just as he had the one that I had already applied!). She replied, “you’re probably right, but you should let a doctor make that decision. You need to take him to a doctor.”
Needless to say, I wasn’t happy! I’m not sure which was more compelling quite frankly, the self-doubt that inevitably creeps in when we are questioned, or the fear that I would be reported to social services!
So, I took him to the doctor, and sure enough, he didn’t need an x-ray (or a splint!).
All of this got me to thinking…this is so common! How many times to we look at something and say “that doesn’t look like it should, and immediately decide it needs to be fixed?”
If you’ve read my post “What I learned from an 11yr old,” you’ll know that I discovered the same thing with him. He walks on his toes, and it doesn’t matter that I have taken him to 14 doctors, there are people in our family who are absolutely convinced that “that just can’t be normal!” Because it doesn’t “look like it’s supposed to” it must be something that requires fixing!
How many times does this apply in our own daily lives? We go through life believing in some story that was taught to us by others, or that we simply made up! For example, at one point in my life I decided that my goal was to “make $100,000″. I had decided that would define “success” for me. When I did make $100,000, I looked around and thought “this doesn’t look like success! I still have laundry everywhere, the bathroom still hasn’t been finished, etc”. So, I decided “that can’t be it”, so I went on to set and achieve the next goal. The truth is, we decide what things are supposed to look like. Often times it’s our “perception” that is broken!
Sometimes it isn’t “broken”, it just looks different! Whether it’s what success should look like, or a “perfect marriage”, or our kids, it’s all in what we decide it “should be”. (incidentally I have discovered that there is no possible way to use the word “should” constructively! It is ALWAYS linked to a judgement!).
When my youngest was little he would try to build something and get furious if it “broke” or didn’t turn out like he expected. I would always say, “it’s easy to make something perfect out of something perfect, but the truly amazing accomplishments come from making something out of something broken!”
So, next time you are quick to say “it’s broke, fix it!” Stop and ask yourself if it really needs fixing, or if it just looks different! Maybe you just need change the way you see it!

 

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