HeatherO

When it Comes to Social Networks and The Internet, Silence Speaks Louder Than Words

HeatherO on 12 23, 2009

There are articles and posts and ‘news’ stories at every turn about how bad social networking can be for your reputation, getting jobs, etc. While I understand that ‘sensationalizing’ sells (according to the mass media anyway!), these stories mislead many people onto a path that can ultimately perpetuate the very result that they are trying to avoid.

The truth is that internet isn’t going away. More and more people each and every day instantly turn to Google and others to ‘check people out’. If you haven’t Googled yourself lately, I highly recommend it! You will likely be surprised.

For a variety of technical reasons that I won’t go into here, your social networking sites and blogs will typically show up first. For many, the idea of this gives them a rash. For some, it should!

Whether you ‘should’ be able to post pictures of yourself dancing on the bar at the local pub, or doing shots when you are home from work because you ‘are sick’ isn’t even a discussion here. Let’s be real, when you do that kind of thing, people will talk about it. Posting it on facebook only creates a bigger megaphone and broader audience. There are people who search these places when considering you for a job.
Wouldn’t you? That’s a whole other post, but I will add that teens should obviously be taught about the impact of today’s actions in their ‘future world’ (adults should already know!).

For those who worry about people finding out what they do, I would say “Be who you are, and be ok with it. But, Be who you want to be!” I tell my 10 yr old often: People will decide who you are based on their perception of you. Your actions and words matter. Don’t do things because of what people will think, do them because of who you want to be”.
Be who you want to be, and let the world know who you are.
Whether it’s ‘fair’ that people will judge you based on a picture or anything else is really irrelevant. Whether it’s a picture on facebook or anything else, people will form an opinion about ‘who you are’ based on ‘what you do!’
(That holds true for all ages!)

Flipping to the other side of the ‘fear factor’ of social networking is the part that I believe many have missed, and may be the most critical.

If you aren’t putting yourself out there, and doing so in the way that you want to be perceived, then someone else can do it for you – in a way that you really don’t!

No matter how many people are online, in many ways it’s like living in a small town. You can’t really BS anybody. People will know. The great news however, is that ‘when people know’ who you really are, it’s really hard for somebody to come along and convince people that you are something else.

When there is no ‘good stuff out there’, then it is really easy for someone to put ‘bad stuff out there’ and have people believe it.

A great example of this:
A few months ago a friend of mine was telling me about a business opportunity that she was really excited about. The owner was a multi-gazzillionaire and had created tons of other gazzillionaires, etc. She suggested that I Google him, which I did (apparently she hadn’t!).
When I did, there were only 2 ‘hits’ and they were scathing. They were all about what a crook and scammer he was. Now, I know intuitively that most people who build businesses and make lots of money inevitably tick some people off, no matter how good a person they are. So, I’m not saying that he is a crook or a scammer, but I am saying that there was nothing to indicate that he wasn’t. (Sometimes silence speaks louder than words)

We all know that people rarely take the time to say thank you, or write an accolade, but will scream from the rooftops when they have a complaint. The internet is no different, it’s just a really big rooftop. The screaming is louder in a quiet room. If lots of people are talking about how great you are, or you are talking and showing how great you are, the screaming is less likely to be heard.

In the book Google Bomb (which I highly recommend!), Sue Scheff tells her story about how this happened to her. Sue is an advocate for parents of trouble teens. Years ago she angered a woman because she would not give her the private contact information of a troubled teen. The woman went on a rampage and spent 3 years on a daily quest to ‘ruin her’. She created websites and blogs and message boards dedicated to this vicious attack. (her story literally gave me nightmares!)
Sue’s personal and business reputation were destroyed faster than you could imagine.

Most of us can’t even imagine anyone ever wanting to do such a thing to us. I am certain that Sue never did either. Nor could she have imagined how easy it would be.

At that time, social networks aren’t as they are today. Nor were blogs and other simple and easy ways for the average ‘non-techy’ person to put information out there about themselves, and as I mentioned, she had no idea that she needed to.

In spite of having seen how ‘bad things’ can happen on the internet, Sue is far from being anti-social media. In fact, she believes that being present online is the ONLY way to protect yourself.

I would agree. As noted in my example above, if you don’t have information to the contrary, it is easy for someone to post something bad about you and have people believe it. If twitter and facebook and blogs and others were prevalent when her ordeal occurred, it would have been difficult for someone to convince those who were being referred to her that she was a terrible person when there were countless blog posts, twitter interactions and facebook comments to the contrary. Not only would her presence and online reputation defend her, but her friends and loyal followers could too.

I often say “when we block the bad, we block the good”. In this case, if you try to run and hide from the world to protect yourself, you might just set yourself up for the very thing that you fear!

I am not suggesting that everyone needs a blog, or has to be on facebook or twitter. What I am saying is that to choose not to put yourself out there based in fear, is not only a mistake, but it just may backfire!

(Of course, isn’t that true any time we make any decision based purely in fear?)

If you want to be on facebook and you want to share a picture of you at dinner with a glass of wine, do it. Don’t NOT do it out of fear that you may not get a job. (would you really want to work for someone who wouldn’t hire you just because of that anyway?)

Let “YOU” shine through, at least it will be the REAL you.

Think about it!

Sue Scheff ultimately won the first ever internet defamation lawsuit. Although she was awarded $11 million dollars, she never had the opportunity to face the woman who tried to destroy her.
Her story is a powerful one. I encourage to read more at
http://www.googlebombbook.com/

Sue continues to work diligently to help parents with troubled teens. For more information you can find her via her website at
http://www.suescheff.com/index.php
or on twitter at www.twitter.com/SueScheff
You can also read parenting articles by Sue on examiner.com