Who Do You Think You’re Talking To? (Words Matter)

I often cringe when people ask me what I do. Not because I don’t know, but because it is challenging to articulate it in a way that people understand. “I help people create and share their story”, or “I help people connect the dots”, says it all to me, but not to everyone else.

Words matter, and using words that people understand is critical. Sometimes the best words aren’t the one’s I like best, but it’s not about me. If I want to help others, the first step is for them to find me, and to connect with what I do. If they don’t understand what I do, or if what I say doesn’t resonate with them, then we both miss out.

It’s no different in business relationships or personal ones. If you speak a different language than your teen, or spouse, you can’t expect them to understand you. You may want to get YOUR point across, but in order to do so, THEY must be able to receive it.

Perception is reality. This sounds cliché perhaps, but it is true. We cannot always know what experience or ‘lens’ will skew what we say and do, and therefore create a different perception than what we intended, but we can attempt to guess, or at least stop and think about how it may be received. We can also make the effort to speak a language that our audience can understand.

I had a conversation recently with someone who said “I don’t sugar coat things, it’s a waste of time. I just tell it like I see it”. That’s fine, except for the fact that he also said that he makes these comments to ‘help people’. If you want to help people (in this case, educate people), then doing so the way that “YOU” see it without doing it in a way that THEY can see it, is futile!

If you want to help English speaking people for example, saying your message in French doesn’t serve them. The message may be a good one. It may be accurate, and profound, and brilliant, but it will fall on deaf ears. You are wasting your breath. So remember, communication isn’t about YOU, it’s about the recipient. Instead of the golden rule: “Treat others the way that you would want to be treated”, apply the Platinum Rule: “Treat others the way that THEY want to be treated”, or in this case “Speak to others in the way that they want to be spoken to”.

“Who do you think you are talking to!?!”
Oh how I remember those words! When I was a kid I heard them often! Adapting words (and tone) to your audience requires thinking about who your audience is! Think about who your audience is, what context you are in, and what your purpose is. If your purpose is to ‘rile someone up’, then you can do that. If your purpose is to get someone to listen to you, and hear your point of view, you can do that too. It’s all in what you say AND how you say it! Despite our best efforts, we may not always come across as we hope to, but if we don’t even try we surely won’t.

Related Posts:

• Don’t Talk to YOU That Way!
• How to Fill Your Bucket