Invasion of The Hope Snatchers

Written by on July 29, 2010 - 0 Comments
Categories: "YOU Soup!", Daily OJ

We all know people who some would call “pollyanna” and others that would be [kindly] labeled ‘negative nellies’. There are, of course a whole host of others in between (drama queens, Debbie downer, etc).

I fall on the higher end of the ‘positive’ spectrum, most of the time, but I didn’t used to. Contrary to popular belief, you aren’t just ‘born that way’ and the excuse ‘I was raised that way’ doesn’t fly too well with me either. I dispel both of those myths.

So why is it that some people are positive and some are negative?

Well, there are a lot of reasons. The first is awareness. Most positive people choose to be. Negative folks are often unaware that they are, or at least they believe that it is their circumstances, not ‘them’.

They are the ‘realistic people’…

They are the:

  • ‘you have to be prepared for the worst’ people,

  • the ‘don’t set yourself up for failure people’ and

  • the ‘that’s impossible’ people

…all rolled up into one. Unfortunately, those people live and breathe on this planet with the rest of us, and in order to preserve their belief that it’s all out of their control, they need to suck the rest of us into their stinking thinking. They aren’t necessarily aware in any way, they just know that the way they think is ‘the right way’ and even if it’s not, they don’t want to hear it.

They wrap themselves up in a blanket of ‘logic’ and ‘reason’ and loads of evidence to support their belief.

They are prepared, and they are not ‘kidding themselves’.

They are ruled by fear. Fear of disappointment, fear of hurt and sometimes, fear of taking responsibility.

The ‘reality’ is that there is more than enough evidence that supports the power of positive thinking. There is more than enough evidence to prove that the world is filled with hope and possibility. Unfortunately, those things are only visible to those who choose to see it. It is invisible to those who are convinced that it isn’t there.

So what do you do?

How do you protect yourself from the Hope Snatchers?

  1. First comes faith. In fact, this post should probably be called Invasion of the Faith Snatchers, but I didn’t want folks to get all tripped up on that word. For some that makes their head go off and imagine evangelicals and that isn’t what I mean at all. Faith comes in many forms. Faith in God, faith in yourself, faith in mankind, the world, etc. With faith there is hope and possibility. Without it?

  2. Smile and silently say to yourself “they are simply unaware” (thanks to Leslie Flowers for that mantra. I have worn it out! :)

  3. Choose whether to engage. In some cases, I think people need to be called out. If you know them well, believe that they just don’t realize how negative they are, or simply feel like you have to, call them on it. Do it nicely, but say something like “wow, did anything good happen today?” Or direct them to shift by saying something like “so what can you do about it?” Or, you can politely say something like “I understand your point of view, mine is a little different, but I can appreciate yours…”

  4. Tune OUT. More often than not, this may be the best way to go. As a friend of mine once pointed out “do you really think they are going to listen to you and say Oh my God! How could I have been so wrong all these years. I had no idea! Thank you for saving me!” So, tuning them out will preserve your sanity and save you from pounding your head into the wall. Unless they are choosing to be in a conversation about the value of being positive, the moment in time that they are in full blown ‘realistic mode’ is probably not the time to try to change them. Nod, smile and sing “Over the rainbow” in your head until their lips stop moving.

  5. Detox. If you walk away and find that in spite of your best efforts, you were infected anyway (it is contagious afterall!), then immediately detox. Do NOT allow yourself to play it over and over in your head. Turn on some music, play a funny or inspiring video. For me the fastest way is to whip out a pen and start writing down all of the things that I am grateful for (which often includes not being like them:). Gratitude will edge out just about any negative emotion faster than anything else!

  6. Avoid. Then there is always the ‘avoid them’ approach. You can love them at a distance, without allowing them in your space. Now, I get some resistance to this one sometimes. People will say ‘but they need your help! they need you to lift them up!’. Some people are open to help, others are not. Sometimes you have to use your best judgement to figure out who is who. In either case, as I said before, if they are in a rant, they probably just want to wallow in it for the moment and that is not the best time. If you struggle yourself with being positive, it is even more important to avoid the Hope snatchers until you are stronger. Having a negative attitude is a habit. Don’t set yourself up if you are still trying to break it. You wouldn’t tell someone who is trying to quit smoking that they should go sit in a smoke filled bar and try to help the patrons quit!

  7. Meditate. I don’t mean you have to sit cross-legged and hum or anything, but closing your eyes and having a nice calm image in mind, or having a nice calming and affirming conversation with yourself while taking slow deep breaths really does help! You know how you would mentally calm yourself when kids would get on your last nerve? Yeah, do that.

  8. Create your own way. Lastly, create your own way. I have an imaginary ‘warrior’ that I jokingly call upon to kick the negative voices in my own head (hey, it makes me shift, makes me laugh. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t). If you love to run, bike, sing, whatever, do that!

    Whatever you do, remember:

    • it IS a choice!

    • “Realistic” is a word used almost exclusively to suck the faith and hope and possibility out of anyone. Remember that there are millions of examples of “unrealistic possibilities” coming true! The lightbulb wasn’t realistic before it was invented, neither was the personal computer, the cell phone, a man walking on the moon…There are millions of people who survived when there was “0 chance”.

    • Happiness and hope are available to all of us. Don’t let anyone snatch yours!


    (and just in case you’re interested, I just ordered this button! Click on the picture to order yours :)

     

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