Whether you are in business,or a professional of any type, odds are you would like to have more money, more success, more fulfillment, etc. We are all typically looking to ‘fill our bucket’ with one or more of these at any given time.

The secret is: fill someone else’s bucket.

This metaphor comes from Tom Roth’s book “How Full is Your Bucket”, but the sentiment can be found in many books. It is a philosophy that has been around for a very long time.

Give more in value, and you will receive more in value, and become more valuable.

Yet, it is a topic that can never be covered enough. There are so many ways of looking at it, and thinking about it, and then of course there is embracing it and actually DOING it.

How many times do you meet someone at a networking event, or at lunch or at work and really talk to them? Really listen to what they are saying? How often do you leave there and immediately think “What or who do I know that could help them?”

Bob Burg, author of “ The Go-Giver” and “Go-Givers Sell More”, tells a story about meeting someone at a networking event. Bob asked him about what was going on in his world (I’m sure) and the man went on to tell him that his daughter had just graduated from college and was looking for a job. Bob asked what kind of job she was looking for (so that if he heard of something he could pass it along). Sure enough, Bob heard about a job and passed the information along, connecting the two together. He did so because he truly cared. He did so because he makes it a habit to serve other people however he can. He doesn’t do it expecting something in return. Bob was however a salesman at the time and that ‘social transaction’ ultimately led to millions of dollars in sales for him.

In Tim Sander’s great book “ Love is the Killer App”, he talks about sharing our intangibles: knowledge, network and compassion. Bob’s story is a great example of how to share those “intangibles”.

You don’t know where those connections or acts might lead. You can’t ‘give to get’.

The important thing to know however is, whether you are in business, in sales, or employed, or whether you are the CEO of your household, you never know where any connection might lead. You aren’t here just to consume. You are here to give and those who give will ultimately receive. And what they receive isn’t just money, it is fulfillment, and satisfaction, and opportunities, and friendships, and love and so much more. It is all of those things that ‘fill your bucket

Thank you for commenting and sharing with your friends! :)

When we talk about value, we often think of getting more for your money. In business we may think of increasing our value as increasing our income, or improving the product or service that we sell.

There are many places and people talking about value differently. In “Love is the killer app”, Tim Sanders talks about ‘biz luv’, and defines it as
“the act of intelligently and sensibly sharing your intangibles with your bizpartners”.
He defines the intangibles as: your knowledge, your network, and your compassion (there’s that word again:).

He refers to ‘bizpartners’ as every person in your work life. From customers, to bosses, to competitors.

What I am talking about is adding value to others as people. Not even JUST people in your work life, but all people. Afterall, it is a small world. Do you really know who will or won’t be a customer or referrer one day?

Adding value to all people, is about listening to what matters to them, and helping them in ways that don’t have anything to do with what you sell. As I discussed in my post on compassion, it is about sharing in what matters to them and contributing in some way.

Sanders talks about knowledge and the need for all of us to be continuously learning and reading in order to stay relevant in today’s world. We can no longer expect to go to college, get a degree and work at the same job for 30years. For that reason, we can no longer expect to get by on the knowledge that we acquired back in college, or expect to thrive in business with only a few friends or connections. Whether we are entrepreneurs or employees, we won’t get very far with a ‘gimme gimme gimme’ mentality.

In this economy or any other, you can’t absolutely count on one thing:
the more you share the love, and the more people you share it with, the greater your value. If you go through life “filling the buckets” of others, you will inherently fill your own.
I’m not suggesting that you ‘give to get’. I am suggesting however that you aren’t ‘spending’ your time and energy just ‘giving away’ value. The value that you give serves others, but it fulfills you as well. And when that day comes when you need an introduction, or a recommendation, or a job, or a favor, or a [fill in the blank], you can’t run around and start filling buckets then. You can’t create relationships to serve you when you need them.

Look at BP and the oil spill as an example. For years they have been working on alternative fuel initiatives. Had they been using social media, engaging and adding value to those who were interested, they could have had an avid, loyal following. They could have had a ‘tribe’ of people defending them. Obviously the spill would have still existed, but they would have had a tribe of people behind them who liked and trusted them.  Instead, they jumped on social media after the fact and ‘tried to make friends’. Didn’t work for them, won’t work for you.

So, I encourage you to ask yourself “How am I sharing the love? How can I share the love?”
Look for ways to shower others with love, and you will find them. When you bump into someone at the grocery store and they mention how hard it is sending their kids off to college, go home and send them an article or book on how to handle that. When someone mentions that they are struggling with their website, or blog, introduce them to someone who can help. If you notice someone with a problem on twitter, and you know of a website or person that could help them, jump in and offer them that information.

It isn’t hard. It simply takes some conscious effort until it becomes a habit.

You remember to brush your teeth everyday, you find the time to shower, why not make the time to ‘shower others’ with love and compassion. Fill their buckets with value, and yours will overflow!

Click here to view the embedded video.

I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw this sign in the kitchen of a local pizza hut recently. Then, I saw one in a Taco Bell too!

They were both different, yet BOTH of them listed “Apologize” as one of the steps of the customer service process.

All I could think was “Wow! Talk about setting an intention or expectation!”

Nevermind the whole law of attraction thing, think about the message that sends ti everyone who works there!

“Yeah we’re just going to go ahead and expect that we’ll screwed something up from the get go!”

Incredible!

Compare that to the sign at Chick-fil-a in Apex (who has THE best service anywhere, EVERY time, hands down in my opinion!)

Now, let’s think about where each of these restaurants are positioned in their industry, and in customer satisfaction…

Do you think it is by accident that we associate Chick-fil-a with “great service and a great experience?”

When was the last time you said, “hey let’s go to taco bell or pizza hut! They’re service is always awesome! [or] their food is ALWAYS great!”     ???

It isn’t by luck or chance that results happen. Businesses and people aren’t accidentally remarkable. They set out to be. They set that intention, and then the expectation.

Great results occur because they are intended and expected!

Just as expecting to have something to apologize for will!

So ask yourself if you are being intentional. What expectations are you setting for yourself and others to live up to?

Whether it’s your kids, your staff, or your self, we will live up to our own expectations! If you call your kids ‘little monsters’, they will be. If you expect your staff to mess up, they will. If you expect stellar service and best efforts…

Click here to view the embedded video.

All too often in business, the simplest act of kindness and compassion get overlooked. Buried under words like “policy’ and other babble. The customer may not always be right, but digging your heels in to be ‘right’ and to ‘win’ against a customer isn’t a ‘win’. Simply listening, acknowledging and making the effort is often all it takes. When you choose to do the right thing over ‘being right’, you win, and the customer wins.
It is in these opportunities that true raving fans are born!

(inspired by Tamara and Nina at Coastal Federal Credit Union who think ‘they won’, but really just showed how poor their customer skills really are)

I often cringe when people ask me what I do. Not because I don’t know, but because it is challenging to articulate it in a way that people understand. “I help people create and share their story”, or “I help people connect the dots”, says it all to me, but not to everyone else.

Words matter, and using words that people understand is critical. Sometimes the best words aren’t the one’s I like best, but it’s not about me. If I want to help others, the first step is for them to find me, and to connect with what I do. If they don’t understand what I do, or if what I say doesn’t resonate with them, then we both miss out.

It’s no different in business relationships or personal ones. If you speak a different language than your teen, or spouse, you can’t expect them to understand you. You may want to get YOUR point across, but in order to do so, THEY must be able to receive it.

Perception is reality. This sounds cliché perhaps, but it is true. We cannot always know what experience or ‘lens’ will skew what we say and do, and therefore create a different perception than what we intended, but we can attempt to guess, or at least stop and think about how it may be received. We can also make the effort to speak a language that our audience can understand.

I had a conversation recently with someone who said “I don’t sugar coat things, it’s a waste of time. I just tell it like I see it”. That’s fine, except for the fact that he also said that he makes these comments to ‘help people’. If you want to help people (in this case, educate people), then doing so the way that “YOU” see it without doing it in a way that THEY can see it, is futile!

If you want to help English speaking people for example, saying your message in French doesn’t serve them. The message may be a good one. It may be accurate, and profound, and brilliant, but it will fall on deaf ears. You are wasting your breath. So remember, communication isn’t about YOU, it’s about the recipient. Instead of the golden rule: “Treat others the way that you would want to be treated”, apply the Platinum Rule: “Treat others the way that THEY want to be treated”, or in this case “Speak to others in the way that they want to be spoken to”.

“Who do you think you are talking to!?!”
Oh how I remember those words! When I was a kid I heard them often! Adapting words (and tone) to your audience requires thinking about who your audience is! Think about who your audience is, what context you are in, and what your purpose is. If your purpose is to ‘rile someone up’, then you can do that. If your purpose is to get someone to listen to you, and hear your point of view, you can do that too. It’s all in what you say AND how you say it! Despite our best efforts, we may not always come across as we hope to, but if we don’t even try we surely won’t.

Whether we’re talking about living your purpose through your business, using social media, or even branding, let’s face it, we want a sale.

Even if we are not ‘selling’ in that moment,  in terms of pushing a product or service, whether we are networking or socializing, the connection is there.  We are still often  ’selling’ ourselves,  or ‘selling’ our ideas.

People seem to think ‘selling’ is a bad word. It isn’t. It is necessary in more ways than I can count. Whether you are trying to get someone to buy from you, or your kids to clean their room, ‘selling’ is involved.

What we have forgotten however, is that the root word of ‘selling’ actually means to give.

(did you catch that? read it again. now keep reading…)

Yes, it means to give. It doesn’t mean give for free, give and never receive, or give to receive, it simply means to give. We may be compensated (and should be) for what we give our customers, but the point is that we are giving them something, something of value to them.
Rather than giving something of value to them to justify what they have paid us.

People seem to think ‘this whole give first, give value, thing’ is a new concept. It really isn’t.

Remember when you used to go somewhere and people would say
‘May I help you?’

Think about that…

They didn’t say
“How may I sell you today?”

They didn’t say
“pay me and I will give you something of value”

They didn’t say
“What can I get you to give me today?”

They didn’t say
“How can I help you so you’ll pay me today?”

They said “how may I help you today?”

Often times today the clerk doesn’t say anything! They simply stare at you and wait for you to order, but in any case, you rarely hear ‘how may I help you?’ anymore.

Obviously, it’s not about just saying the words. You can say it all day long, and if you don’t mean it, it will be apparent!

You really do have to do something. To give something.

I can’t tell you how often I see this in social networking, whether it’s on twitter or facebook or in person. Like the 9pm phone call I received from the direct salesperson who has never done more than hand me her card once, saying “Hi, I was calling to see if you wanted to schedule an appointment. I need to reach my quota for the week”.

You can’t tell the bank “pay me some interest and I’ll make a deposit”.
In relationships you don’t say ‘give me some love, and I’ll give you some back’.

It’s not about giving to receive. It’s about being compensated because you have given.

So, go out and try it! Look for opportunities today to say
“How may I help you today?” (and mean it!:)

I’d love to hear what happens!

There’s a lot of talk about social media these days. Lots of people jump in, others are still ‘deciding whether they have time’.  Most see it as ‘another new thing’, and many see it as ‘one more thing they have to do or learn’.

There are lots of people out there teaching ‘how to’s’ and selling the latest greatest apps and tools to leverage social media without having to ‘do anything’ differently. People talk about ‘Personal Branding’ and all sorts of buzz words, but it’s really about YOU!

One of the first things that I do with clients is talk to them about their ‘story’. Who they are, why they do what they do, what their true purpose is, and passions are.

To learn facebook?

Yes, to learn facebook! You see it’s about more than facebook, or business fan pages, or twitter, or blogs, or logos or any of that. It’s about you…It’s about your voice, and what you are saying.

Social media is an incredibly powerful way to reach others so that we can serve them. It has truly leveled the playing field. But, it’s not just the latest greatest marketing channel, or fad. It’s not advertising, or business as usual in a new place. There is a lot more going on here. There is a lot more to it than websites and networks. The ‘place’ hasn’t just changed, the context has changed, the culture has changed, the message has changed, the audience has changed, the voice has changed…

(this is where I veer radically off course with all of those other social media folks, techy types, marketing people, and anything you might have learned in Business 101…buckle your seatbelt!)

We are living in a revolution…

First we had the industrial revolution. We had mass production, with it’s assembly lines of ‘don’t talk just do your job’, and then the Corporate world of, “Repeat after me: I will not have any ideas or voice of my own. I will wear a blue suit….”

So long to meeting the vendors on the street, and talking about their goods and services. So long to conversation.

We had mass media, and mass marketing. We had a few TV channels, and newspapers, etc. Entertainment was limited and if we wanted it, we had to endure the advertising. Since advertising was expensive, and only came in so many ‘channels’ it had to be very broad and vanilla and appeal to everybody. And if wanted to watch or listen, we had to hear it.

“So the customers who once looked you in the eye while hefting your wares in the market were transformed into consumers. In the words of industry analyst Jerry Michalski, ‘ a consumer was no more than a gullet whose only purpose in life is to gulp products and crap cash.’ The power swung so decisively to the supply side that ‘market’ became a verb: something you do to customers.”

Advertising and marketing aren’t a bad thing! We needed to know what was available. We wanted to know what our choices were.  We weren’t very well connected. If we had a ‘friend in the business’ we would choose them, but we simply didn’t know ‘one of everybody’ so for everything else, we relied on advertising and salespeople and hoped for the best.

The true definition of marketing is ‘what happens between the creation of the product and the sale.” The problem was ‘what was happening between the product and the sale’. Unfortunately, a lot of people abused us along the way. They lied, they interrupted, they spammed, cold called, screamed, etc. We got on the do not call list, celebrated the growing list of ‘spam filters’, got TIVO and so on.

At the same time we were getting sick of being lied to there, the internet was growing. Slowly and quietly at first. Limited to techy types, and then slowly reaching out into the homes of everyone everywhere. Then came easier ways to use it. Free blog sites, and social networks and so on. Now anyone could have a voice!  That grew slowly but surely and still does, every single day. Now, anyone who wants to can share their message with the world, and whoever wants to listen, can.

Adding to our frustration with the mass ‘everything’ mentality, and the corporate clones and robotic speak, along came the Enron’s and the Big Banks, and the big bailouts, etc. Now the word “Corporate’ became synonymous with crook (whether it should or not). 

We don’t like having marketing shoved down our throats, we don’t like the big voice-less Corporate Wall, and guess what? We don’t have to take it…

Blogs, Facebook, twitter, and other social mediums erupt…

We have a voice. All of us! As customers, clients, consumers, as entrepreneurs and business owners.

• We can choose what to listen to.
• We can choose from hundreds of TV channels and radio stations, etc.
• We can also choose from millions of blogs, and people having two way conversations about anything we could possibly want to talk about.

Now, because the quarantine on ‘voice’ has been lifted, we kind of like it! Now not only do we have many choices and no longer have to just pick “beaded or non-beaded jewelry’”, but we also get to hear the voice behind it. Kind of like the old days where you knew about the jewelry maker, or the shop owner. They had a personality! We like that. We are humans after-all, not robots.

As business owners, this is great news!  You don’t have to do a press release and pray that the media gods find you worthy. You don’t have to be able to afford crazy advertising prices, or buy lists of people to spam! You don’t have to ‘fake it til you make it!’

We truly can create not only a business that we love, but that customers will love, just by listening to the conversations, and choosing to let our personality show through. By putting YOU in your business, allowing those who like you, find you.

Whether online or off,  it’s kind of like a street fair…

A couple of years ago, we had a street fair here. It wasn’t organized by ‘committee’ and so without regulation, two different businesses gave two different hot dog vendors permission to park on their property during the event. They happened to be directly across the street from each other.

One was a guy from New York with a typical cart. He was cordial, but not what I’d call friendly (not here in the south anyway!). He sold a name brand hot dog with the usual condiments.

The other was a woman who although only barely 5ft tall, had a personality bigger than a sumo wrestler! She was fun loving and flamboyant. Her cart had a hot pink umbrella, hot pink drink coolers, and  homemade condiments. Her hot dogs were the same brand, and a few cents more in price.

What a great example of ‘pull vs. push’! No one chasing anyone down the street with flyers, or brochures, no screaming through bull horns. Everybody simply chose whichever one they wanted. The ‘personality’ that resonated with them! As people walked by, she cheerfully spoke, acknowledged the kids, laughed, etc. He sat on his stool and served hot dogs.

People did go to both. Some may have chosen his because they didn’t want to wait in line at hers, or maybe because they didn’t like hot pink and personality. Who knows! It didn’t take an accountant however to see what the market preferred! I don’t know how much of it was her personality, or how much was just having a personality, but not having one clearly wasn’t the winner!

So what’s the moral of the story?

• Create a business that you are passionate about (it’s more fun AND it will show!)
• Let it show! You will attract the customers that you are meant to serve.
• Let us hear your ‘voice’, and listen to ours. We like that.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts!

In Goals part I, I talked about “Pencil Your Plan”. In that post, I talked about being open to different possible paths to your goals without being so locked into the one that you think will get you there. Why? Because of your Reticular Activator.

Your brain has this handy little thing called a Reticular Activator. Basically it sorts information and tunes into only what you need. Let’s face it, there’s a lot of stuff out there and if your brain tried to process it all, it would crash faster that Vista! So, you Reticular activator looks for and tunes into information that you have “told it to”. When you tell yourself that you are looking for a red truck, what happens? You see them everywhere! You don’t really notice blue trucks as much, but it seems like there is a red one at ever turn!

This is very useful, but only when you focus on the right things.

Photo Courtesy of Bluemoonistic Images

What do you need to reach your goals? What are you looking for?

Be clear! You might think you know, but do you?

There are red trucks everywhere! There are lots of types, and dealerships, etc. Your brain can’t really tune in to the right thing for you if you are vague.

For years my husband has wanted a new Hunter Green Ford F150 Pickup Truck. He has never been more specific as to when, or that he wants the money to buy one, or whatever. Just that he wants one. A few months ago when we were moving our office, a friend said that he had a truck that we could use as long as we needed to. A few days later I couldn’t help but laugh. There sitting in my driveway was a 20 yr old, beat up barely running HUNTER GREEN FORD F150! When the guy offered to sell it to him, I laughed even harder!  Not because of the truck itself, in fact, he would’ve considered had the guy not asked twice what it was worth.

In any case, that old saying “be careful what you wish for” really does have merit!

Here is another example:

I have a friend who was looking for a house. She found one that she loved, but it was a much higher price than they were looking in. She and her husband settled on another, but she thought to herself over and over how much she wanted to live in that first house. A year later, her husband got a job in another town. They put the house up for sale, and wrote a contract on a new one in the new town that they were moving to. Just prior to closing on either, her husbands boss was laid off and a new one replaced him. They did not like each other at all! In fact, it was so bad that he couldn’t bear the thought of another day. Together they decided that life was too short and that he would resign. They got out of the contract on the new house by forfeiting the deposit, but still had to sell the one that they lived it. So, she quickly searched find a rental to get them by temporarily. A friend mentioned that she knew someone who had been trying to sell his house for over a year, and that she would see if he would rent it short term. He agreed and my friend went off to see it. Imagine her surprise when she pulled up in front of that very house that she had imagined living in night after night! (she imagined living in it, not buying it!)

It even works in your sleep. If you’ve ever had a newborn you know that you could sleep through most anything, but awake at the faintest sound of it’s cry. (That’s why I often tweet or post on facebook to be careful what you go to bed thinking about!)

There are probably many ways to achieve your goals that you haven’t even thought of!

Be open to them and be looking for them!

Tony Robbins says that people fail to achieve not because of lack of resources, but because of lack of resourcefulness.

Are you so focused on ‘needing cash flow’ that you aren’t open to other ways to access the very thing that you need the cash for? Maybe it’s not just cash that you need. Perhaps there is someone out there with the very tools that you need the cash for.

When you focus on the problem the problem gets bigger.

Instead focus on the solution, and you will begin to see them everywhere…just like those red trucks :)

Goals, Goals, Goals!

This time of year is full of them. Many call them resolutions, which would mean ‘resolute”. Which is kind of funny considering that only 2% stick to them beyond January 15th!

There are as many thoughts on goal setting as there are goals in the cemetery of those unachieved. If you Google “how to set goals”, you will get 37 million results.

I’ve done the written, specific and attainable approach, the write down specific steps approach, the vision board approach (which I still do every year!), the 30 day – 3 month- 1 year-5 year approach, the baby steps approach, the start over in June when you realize there’s not a chance in hell you’ll achieve them approach…and on and on.

What I’ve learned is to think of the process like a trip.

First, You have to know where you are going, and it helps to know why.

(If the Why of the trip is to ‘enjoy time with family’, don’t wait until you get there to enjoy them! Have loads of fun along the journey!)

Be flexible, be open to the possibility that the route may change.

I recently went on a day trip. I knew the route, had the GPS and I knew where I was going.  As I was driving,  the GPS lady said to exit left ahead, as expected.

I noticed however, that a sign ahead indicated that I should go straight. The straight lane was apparently a new bypass. By not being so focused on the “plan”, the one that I had set my mind to, or even the way that the GPS was insisting that I should go, I got to my destination via a new route that was much quicker and easier!

Or, sometimes we run into detours. We usually don’t like them. We whine, complain, and some even freak out over them! The truth is, detours usually exist to protect us from great danger ahead. They send us in a slightly different direction and even often cause delays, but they help us to avoid unforseen bumpy roads, missing bridges and other unpleasant, if not deadly disasters!

Sometimes, those detours take us some really cool places we would have never found or chosen. Sometimes they get us there faster, sometimes it takes longer, and we often don’t ever know what harm they protected us from.

So, embrace the detours and be open to new routes!
Write down your goals, and write the plan – in pencil.

I don’t mean change your goals willy nilly, or even your plan.

Successful people make decisions quickly and change their minds slowly.

Don’t change the plan when it gets tough, or boring, or necessarily when it doesn’t seem to be working. Like a trip, sometimes all you can do is keep driving! But be aware, and flexible along the way!

Know your destination, pencil in your plan, keep that eraser handy and your eyes and ears open.

Then, put the pedal to the metal and go!

You won’t get there sitting in park reviewing the plan!