One of my New Year’s “Promises” to myself was to start blogging more about me and my story. Why? Because people care. Like most people, I wonder why anyone would. But, I know that people do. We love to hear peoples’ story, to connect and empathize, to laugh and to cry together other humans like ourselves. So, here goes…

It’s the new year, and like most, I have resolved to make changes in my life for the better. One is to finally get my weight where I want it to be (notice I didn’t say diet or lose). Another was to get back to a more structured morning routine so that I don’t meander through the day aimlessly and feel lousy about it when I go to bed at night.

So, I just “happened to find” (quotes because you’ll learn that I don’t believe anything happens by accident) a new eating plan that I’m very excited about. It’s written by a guy who I like and respect, who has written previous books that I liked, and because it makes sense to me. I decided this time I wouldn’t run off and spend 100′s of dollars all at once at the grocery store (a testament to my conscious change in thinking habits regarding many things, including money).

I went to the Fresh Market yesterday to pick up a few things that I knew wouldn’t be in our usual store. The only thing I found there was low-carb wheat tortillas. They weren’t the right brand, but they would work. My intention was to go to the grocery store after to pick up a few other items. My husband mentioned on the way out the door however that he wanted to go to church at 5:30 (It was 3:30 and I had 2 other errands to run as well, one of which was to buy the book which would tell me what foods I needed). So I rushed through the 3 stores, got my tortillas and hurried home, resting assured that he would go to the grocery after.

On my way home, I called him to let him know I was almost there. “Oh, don’t rush” he said. Apparently his mom had called and he had just gotten out of the shower so he had decided not to go after all. He didn’t want “to feel rushed”. ‘Okaaaayyy“, I thought after a deep sigh! Home I went. I called a friend on the way, and was still on the phone when I arrived. Next thing I knew, he was pulling out of the driveway. He had gone to the grocery store – without my list.

Slightly ruffled, I again sighed another “okay” to myself and returned to my office to finish the morning and weekly plans that I was creating (which included meal plans for which I had no food except for tortillas). He made a great dinner, and after eating I went about my next ‘todo’ to which I was committed for the day. Coloring my hair (yes, I have gray hair, so what!:)

Looking at the clock, I realized that going to the grocery at that point would mean going at nearly 11pm which would not only mean my getting to bed too late (which would screw up my getting up early to hit that routine), not to mention the fact that 20 degrees it was really freaking cold outside! “It’s Okay” I said to myself. “I can do this! I have my tortillas, and a few eggs, I can still do this”.

Later than intended, I hit the bed at 11:30, groaning a bit as I set my alarm for 5:30 (knowing that 6hours just isn’t enough for me). “I can always take a nap if I need to. It’s Okay, I can do this” I thought out loud.

Wide awake, I rolled over to eye the clock. It was blurry, but appeared to say three something. I rolled back over. A few minutes later I wake up wide-eyed. The clock clearly says 3:33. Not only does it ‘say’ it, but it appears to blink at me and grow larger with each second. “3:33 is way too early” I thought followed by “But 3:33 almost seems cryptic, like a sign somehow”.
Next thought: “you know you believe that God talks to us in the middle of the night so we’ll listen. He wants you to get up, do it”. Another voice screams “but you’ll screw up your plan, you’ll be exhausted, it’s way too early!” I stagger out of bed thinking “it’s okay, I can do this. I can always take a nap if I need to,”. I stumble into the kitchen and start the coffee (darn, I forgot to do that last night. Oh well, it wouldn’t have been ready now anyway!)

I go to the fridge to get the half and half, and glance at the nutritional info. One gram of sugar PER serving. I groaned. My plan only allows for 5 grams per day (& at 3am I am certain that I will drink the whole pot by 8!).

“It’s okay, I can do this” I thought. Then as I was waiting for the coffee, I saw it…in the shadow of the light. The chewed up EMPTY tortilla bag, on the floor. My eyes widened in the hope that I was seeing things. “No he didn’t!” I thought. He did. My dog had eaten the entire bag of tortillas! “That was the only thing I had” I practically screamed out loud! My mind racing, I thought “well, I could just start tomorrow. I can go to the grocery store, get more, and regular cream, and the other things that I need, and it’ll be fine.”

“No. It’s okay, I can do this” my voice said calmly…

You see, Zig Ziglar was right when he said “it’s not where you start, it’s how you finish”. The best plans in the world rarely go as planned. There are simply things that happen. My friend (and great coach) Kim Ades of Frame of Mind Coaching says that the only difference between top performers and everyone else is emotional resilience. It’s not JUST about persistence, or sticking to it. Persistence is about something bigger. It’s about emotional fortitude. It’s about commitment and determination and yes, some good old fashioned stubbornness. It’s about not letting things outside of your control take over what you can control – your thoughts and emotions.

It’s 3:33 am and I have no tortillas. But, I can still follow my morning routine (from 5:30-8:30). In fact, now I’ve got a head start! I can still not eat sugar for breakfast, and go to the grocery (or send my hubby:) before lunch. I can take a nap if I need to.

It’s okay. I can do this…and I will.”